Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize