Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
