Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think my vagina is haunted
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
