This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
