i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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