I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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