That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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