I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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