I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
