tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
