Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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