Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
