The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize