Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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