dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
