sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
