Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
