Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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