3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
