So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
