The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
