p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
