do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
