just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
