Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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