school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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