Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
