Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
