i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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