U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
