I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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