he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
