I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
