He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
