i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
