dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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