i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize