You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
