Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
