some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
