if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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