I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
