I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
