I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
