just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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