would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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