I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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