Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
