He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
