nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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