Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
