Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
