this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
