I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
