I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
