I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
