college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
