he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
