Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
