If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
