just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
