Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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