i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
