My vagina just recognized that song.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
