My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
