ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
