After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
