I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize