My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
