his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
being pregnant is like rehab
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
