its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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