nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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