So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
