yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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