Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
