just tell him i said nine months
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
