im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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