Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
