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I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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