turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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