I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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