I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
